hiya ppl.. i'm emo today.. so skip this entry if u can.. lol i'm living in my own world now..

k... let's start..

i feel like my life is so boring.. no activities.. NOTHING. everyday other it's just school and home..

home isn't a nice cosy place for me..it's noisy. irritating (coz of my cousins) and NO COMMUNICATION.it's so fraught with tension and lacklustered-ness. i have been through this for almost forever. i'm kinda sick of repeating this words over and over and over again. but i have to. to vent it out. to not bottle it up inside me.

every other day i busy myself with lots of things.. on the surface... it looks like i'm going through life like the rest of u guys.. but deep deep down.. i can still feel this hollowness calling out. i'm like a glass bottle. looking strong on the outside.. but when wind is blow.. all that comes out is the feeling of emptiness and hollowness..i veri afraid that one day, this little bottle would just break and shatter onto the ground. when?? when will that day come?? i'm terrified. i need someone.. sometimes i feel so insecure i hug my bolster tight shut my mind and FORCE myself to sleep...yeahh i'm WAITING for someone to take this away from me...

i dunno where issit coming from.. or what is causing this feeling to reside inside me.. i jus KNOW it's there. and i hate it. i dont like feeling gloomy and sad. and dark. but it's radiating from inside me.. everynight i shut my eyes and try to sleep. thinking about the day today and the day ahead. what am i going to do? is there anything interesting waiting for me? why must i feel liek this?? why must i WAIT for something interesting to happen to me? why cant i be the one who MAKES it happen? :(

sometimes i really wonder.. am i the only person thinking of things like this? den i would really love to slap myself. why? coz there are billions and zillions of other ppl out there much more worse than me? in which position am i to yabber about how pitiful i feel? wake up gin.. ur not that pitiful as u seem. just shut up and suck ur thumb.


i miss regulars.. when i look at myself.. it's as if i;m so desperate and it's as if they are my onli lifeline. :( i dont want it to look this way. i know i still got tons and TONS of great friendws out there. it's not fair to them.. it's not fair to me.. why must i distance myself from so many others? :( i really dunno.. i found her loitering around again. yes.. the old her is not gone.. she's still there and always there..maybe the reason why i think i have changed it's coz the me is actually taking a break from being so emo.


and she's back again.


i asked queen "is there any point of a relationship that reaches it's maximum, and there's nothing we can do about it?"

regulars is so distant now.. we only meet up for special occasions and birthday celebrations.. i miss those days, i miss it's... abundance.