A successful woman is one who can find a man that earns more than she can spend~

:NOTE TO READER: it's gonna be boring..but if u wanna read..go ahead but dun complain..=)

i suddenly felt tired..tired of daily routine tired of life..most impt of all..tired of answering the same old question..nobody was at home today..had tuition..den after that i was pondering about wat my current life is..wat i'm doing right now..den came dinner time mum called home to tell me she changed my m1 plan to the sms plan thingy..was kie for me..she oso said she wasn't able to buy dinner for me coz she's coming home late..well alright i was kinda in the mood to go down..decided to have mac..went down and half way down the lift i met my neighbour--the uncle-- that's when things started pouring deep into my head..

it's always the same question.."how are u??" or "going poly?" or even "how's ur Os?"
most of u can say okie wat.. it's onli a question..well congrats for u guys den coz u might be doing well..going to a poly or jc..of cuz u feel comfortable of telling ppl where u are heading in life..coz u "GOT A PLACE TO GO"

everytime those questions struck at me..i would stare blankly at them silently..thiking "how??" should i tell them the truth or simply jus keep quiet??? it's difficult for me..well of cuz i can jus tell them "oh yeah, i got into poly.." but would it do any good..worse come to worse they might find out one day too..so i always made the decision to tell them the truth..and yeah truth hurts..

even if u say go ITE it's always better den say "i retake" coz once ppl hear the word "retake" their minds will go "oh.." or simply "..." coz at least ITE IS a PLACE.. ppl will think that i did not did well for os..that's the reason i retake...hate the expressions those ppl make when i tell them the truth..dunno how to say it too..

so why was i so stupid enuff to withdraw MI?? i dunno...
at least some ppl are going poly and at the same time retaking...the scenarios for them are always better..better than me here...
i feel lyk an embarassment to the society, embarassment to my parents, my frens and most most imptly..myself..coz i feel lousy...

this one year i gonna be a LONG ride for me..and for my feelings and the virtues inside me..it's churning whenever i must overcome these questions..althou those conversations are brief and take onli few secs..the hurt it brings it overwhelming..lol jus look at the length of this entry i typed and u will know..

sometimes i feel spaced out too..lol in the middle of town too i guess..in the middle of even the most buzzling places..
it's lyk a black-white pic where u stand out alone...walking..walking..and where all around u is ppl..and lotsa happenings but u dun seem to see it coming ur way..u dun even hear it..lyk it's a soundless empty world..time slows down too at this moment..den frens calls u and *snap* ur back into reality again..the noise and clattering starts pouring in..yup..it's always this kinda feeling...

after my mac while i was walking home..i oso question myself if "i was wallowing in self pity??" or "was i too depressed that i got into this state of mind"..jus one small lil question from my neighbour can make me so "traumatised"..well these are types of questions we faced before..don't u?? =)Types of questions where u dun even know the answer or which one was more reliable of stating wat type of position ur in..

if i were to ask my frens..they might say that i'm over-sensitive ^^ or i may tink too much..lol which is really true =) but not always =P haiz..cant go queen's house to bake cookies too coz mum's been complaining that i go out often these days..=(

well never mind..i can jus pray that hopefully..these questions will not come haunting me ever again..okie take care^^..dun worry guys..was a bit out of my mind jus now..lol =)